AGGHHH- Day Five.

I live in a world full of panic. Everything must be RIGHT NOW. There is no time to wait. I must have answers, I must have solutions, I must have them NOW. I think it's one of the things that Tommy finds obnoxious about me, I can't wait for anything. I see the world spinning by in front on me and I feel like I'm missing out. This is one of the problems that feeds my anxiety.

I don't think that mental health is a destination as much as it is a journey. There is no "healed," instead there is good weeks and bad weeks, good days and bad days, good hours and bad hours. It's about finding ways to manage the panic, manage the urgency, manage the RIGHT NOW problem that my anxiety is giving me.

Below is a non-exhaustive list of this I have found helpful this year in my mental health journey:

MEDICATION: At some point this year I switched medications, and my life was changed. I went from feeling like the world was weighing on my chest, to feeling capable of the most basic tasks again. Medication is nothing to be ashamed of, it's also not a fix-all solution. I think sometimes people think anxiety medication is like antibiotics- take for a set time and you're healed. It's not. If you need medication, that's ok. It's better that your brain can handle the world than to be medication free.

COUNSELING: I used to see my counselor almost every week. But as she and I built a road map for my anxiety I see her less and less. Every now and then I fall into a couple of bad weeks, and I go back and see her. This has been immensely helpful. Being able to talk to friends and Tommy is great, but a counselor provides a point of view that can't come from friends. I recommend counseling to anyone who asks. Whether you are struggling with mental health challenges or not, the value of a counselor cannot be measured.

HOBBIES: Whether it's a YouTube series, a podcast, a game on my phone, giving my brain something to invest in that's not whatever issue I'm panicking about is very helpful.

ANIMALS: We adopted a dog this year, which I'll talk about in a later blog. But this has done wonders for my mental health. I used to spend a lot of time being worried about being murdered in my house when Tommy wasn't home. But with Maybel I don't worry about that as much anymore. She is a calming presence, I'm so glad we have her.

QUITTING MY JOB: In August I quit my full-time job to focus on school. This was life-changing. Sure, I don't have health insurance, but the stress that was lifted was out of this world. This may not be for everyone, but I got a kick out of it.

I'm sure there are more things for this list, but that's all I got for now. My dream for 2018 is to continue focusing on self-care, mental health, and the journey ahead.