You're Fired. -Day TwentyNine.

This year has been tumultuous to say the least.

I have lived in four houses, traversed the country six times, and held seven jobs. Somewhere in there I also went two months without a paycheck.

There are a couple of conclusions that can be drawn from my recounting of this year:
1. I'm flighty.
2. I struggle with decisions.
3. I can't keep a job.

All of these may be true on some level, but there is something deeper that happens when you are forcibly removed from two jobs, and two homes in one year: you start to doubt everything about yourself. You start to doubt your choices, and doubt that you are worthy of consideration. You wait for your boyfriend to leave you because you think you are undeserving of someone so lovely. You have to write in a blog for a month, and you don't think anything you have to say will be interesting enough. You stop having loud opinions about religion and God, because you've been wrong about smaller issues before. You wait for the phone to ring with bad news.

But the thing is, no matter how down on myself I have gotten this year and how much doubt I have, the world keeps spinning and demanding I make decisions.

My jobs have gotten progressively better as I have learned to ask for what I want. And the boyfriend instead of leaving me let's me live with him and consistently reminds me that he's not going anywhere. And when it comes to religion there are plenty of options for the doubters.

This year I have been following Ryan Bell's blog Year Without God. An ex(fired)-Adventist pastor, used his leave from the pastoral position to voice his doubts about God. His journey has been a thoughtful one, and one I imagine many Adventist people have experienced but been too afraid to voice. During a year when Adventism (or people who represented it) did not treat me well, I admired Bell and his bravery in standing up against using religion as a way to control people. Even if you are 100% sure about God existing Bell still has some points that are worth considering. You can read his blog HERE.

My dream is that 2015 is closer to the glory that was 2013. But nothing is certain and things can easily be taken away, at the very least I'm getting better at being fired. I think that being intentional in every step is crucial. I have goals for 2015 and for my life, but as Mitch Hedberg said: "I'm sick of following my dreams, I'm just gonna ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."