The Certainty of Uncertainty- Day One.

What does it take to be sure of something? To be sure you don't want to eat sugar? To move across the country? To live in a different country? To choose a major? A career? A spouse? A God? At what point is someone going to create an app where you enter the variables of your life and it tells you what course of action will have the best outcome?

Last December I wrote that I didn't know where I would be at the end of 2014. I never could have guessed the surprises this year had in store. I mean, January 1, 2014 I was fired and evicted (don't EVER live in the building where you work), and boy oh boy was that a bumpy ride. Tommy and I broke up (kind of?). I lived with my parents for seven months. Tommy talked me in to moving back to North Carolina. I took a job and an apartment, neither of which I have anymore (again, don't EVER EVER live where you work). Now I work at an elementary school and I live with Tommy. Life is crazy, kids. You can't control it, and you can't know anything for sure. I don't know where I'll be next year. Heck, I don't know where I'll be January 1, 2015.

Choices are hard, decisions aren't always right, sometimes it's a bump in the road and sometimes its complete upheaval that leaves you crying on your boyfriends floor for three days. The spectrum of outcomes often leaves me afraid to do anything.

I've always been a fan of jumping in head first, but lately I crave certainty, a plan, a goal.

I know there is that James 11 verse that says something like: Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Sometimes this verse is entirely unhelpful, like when I'm running in the woods and I'm certain that the cracking sounds I hear is someone coming to kill me.

Until there is an app that gives me the answers, or I develop psychic powers I am just going to try and make the best decisions I can with the information I have in front of me. It may not always work out the way I plan, but at least I'll have something to blog about come December.

Moral of the story: Life is a highway, and gas is expensive.