Marriage- Day Twenty.

I graduated college without a husband. In the eyes of some, the Adventist education system failed me. I took a job in an Adventist school where 98% of the teachers were older than 40, and the other 2% were women. I read that Spectrum article last week about why Adventists marry so young (read it HERE) and I identified with the main point, Adventist colleges are really the last place where a community is readily available for people in their twenties, which means it's the last time the dating pool is not full of gross/elderly fish. Entering the "Real World" often means moving away from friends, and from church communities and I can tell you from experience it is hard to find motivation to become established in a church where you are one of three millennials.

When Tommy and I started dating I was unsure about a lot of things. How I felt about the Adventist church, if I was comfortable dating outside Adventism, or what I wanted in a partner. It took me a while to not constantly feel like breaking up with him, and Adventism was a big part of that. I felt the pressure of "well if I want to marry an Adventist, I don't want to marry Tommy, so we should just break up." Adventists are trained to believe that dating means marriage, that's not correct. Dating means discovering what you like, and how to be yourself inside of a relationship.

Dating an Adventist should not the end-all goal here. Dating someone with good values, who is kind, who is open to ideas, who thinks all people are equal, who believes in living a life of service- these are the things that are important. I love being an Adventist, but I don't love what Adventism has become, and I don't think marrying someone at a young age to guarantee you end up with an Adventist is just redonk.

I definitely would not have been ready to get married at 21. The person I was at 21 didn't make great choices about who to date (or in general). At 25 I feel a little more certain. At 25 I think I am a little more capable of rational thought. Plus, at this point making a commitment like that, although scary, wouldn't impede me from accomplishing important things in my life.