Love and Hate in a Virtual World

When we were sent home from school on March 13, we thought it would be for two weeks. But then it was four. And then it was eight. And then it was the rest of the school year. 

The spring was filled with anxiety, and unknowing, and just trying to keep track of kids. But that's not what this is about. 

As my school prepared for the fall, they did an awesome job of keeping teachers updated, sharing data, and ultimately deciding that we would start the school year virtually. I was so thankful for all of these things. In a year where I have felt powerless, my school did everything it could to empower teachers. I loved this. 

We ended up spending the first ten weeks of the school year 100% virtually. 

We spent the first eight at home. And my classroom looked like this: 

I was supposed to hate it. To miss the classroom and real-life students. But I didn't. I loved being at home, safe from the deadly virus. I loved hanging out with my dog and cats all day. I loved finding new ways to build community in a virtual space. I loved the challenge of transforming everything I do to be accessible in a distance learning environment. 

Yet, at every staff meeting, admin would talk as if we were being tortured and we needed to get back into the building as fast as possible. 

So at week eight, we were asked to start virtually teaching from our classrooms. So my classroom looked like this: 

This was also not terrible. I got to see other adult humans, but I was still safe from germy 11-year-olds. 

And then the decision was made to bring kids back. Because it's not a real school unless there are underage humans to control (???). But, only half would come in at a time. Teachers would rotate classrooms instead of students, and we would be responsible for teaching in-person and virtually at the same time. 

So now, my classroom looks like this: a few kids spread out working independently while the rest are on Zoom.  

I love my job, but here's the thing: hybrid is the worst possible solution. (Other than bringing everyone back 100%). Kids can't share supplies, they can't be close to each other, they have to stay masked all day. We can't even have balls at recess. Teaching virtually and in-person at the same time is like teaching virtually but with a studio audience. I've lost time during the day to plan and prepare because I am managing humans. And, we have a constant rotation of kids/staff out because they are sick. 

And here's the kicker. If I bring up that I am unhappy, nervous, and struggling, people (admin) become frustrated. Admin has said "you have fewer in-person kids than most schools" "make the best of it", "it's so great to be back" "what were we supposed to do? stay virtual forever".  All of the communication from the spring and summer is gone. We brought back more kids after Thanksgiving and we're bringing back more after Christmas. And we (teachers) are expected to continue doing all the things. 

I hate everything about the current situation. 

I'm tired. I'm constantly afraid. 

But, I still love my job. The kids bring me so much joy. Whether virtually or in-person they are always doing their best and going with the flow. They are gracious and hilarious. We all are doing the best we can, and for now, that's enough.