What I learned about Community- Week Three

I came into 2019 with the intention of finding Community. I don't know if I meant friends, or a racquetball club, or what. Now here we are at the end of 2019, and I am no closer to finding this elusive community. But, I have learned a couple of things.

1. Volunteering with animals is not the same as making friends.
When people ask how Tommy and I met I tell this story: When I first moved to Asheville in 2013 I started fostering animals as a way to get away from the awful place I was living and the terrible job I had. But, it turns out that fostering kittens leaves you just as alone as before, except there is more poop in your house. So I started online dating and POOF: Tommy. Well, 2019 Annie had the same thought, I will volunteer at the humane society with the kittens and make friends! And just like in 2013, kittens do not equal friends. I had some fun and felt involved in my community, but nothing beyond that.

2. It's hard to find Community when you're so tired.
I teach sixth grade. By the time 3:30 hits, the LAST thing I want to do is go take a pottery class. I want to go home and talk to no one.

3. Finding your people takes time.
I moved to Asheville in 2013. I didn't start having real outside-of-work friends until the middle of 2015 and was working for the Y. And even then, it takes time to develop real friendships beyond the shared work capacity.

4. I already have people!
They don't live down the street from me like in college, but that's ok. When we go to Portland it's like a reunion tour every time! There is so much joy to be had in seeing people once or twice a year. And we have our friends in Asheville that we stay with and see every time we're there. I also have friends at work. I enjoy the people I work with, and for now, that's enough.

I think the main thing I learned this year is that there is no pressure to do anything that doesn't bring me joy. I'm no longer in college with a constant compulsion to be around people for fear of being forgotten. I'm 30. I am a full-time teacher and a full-time grad student. I have a husband and animals.   I am part of a WE. Tommy is my favorite person in the entire world, and in all reality, I hate all social engagements that include more than just him. So, why do I feel somehow less than because our weekends aren't spent partying with a giant group of friends? Maybe that's a question for 2020.