Book in review: January. (Annie's Review)

I think I may always be a procrastinator. I'm not proud.

2014 started out not with a bang, but with a fire, specifically my firing from Fletcher Academy. I've told this story so many times it is probably part myth by now, and this blog is probably not the place to re-hash the horrors of South Conservative Education. But what happened was unfair in a lot of ways, and as I sobbed into my suitcase, on Tommy's couch, and over Skype in the days that came after, there was the rising fear of, "what now."

Tristinn's choice for a January book could not have been any better. "The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and how to Make the  most of Them" written by Meg Jay, started me thinking and moving forward. The book is broken up into three sections: Work, Love, and The Brain and the Body.

While I spent my first few weeks of unemployment thinking it didn't matter what I did, as long as I did something, Jay disagreed. She states that our twenties are the most important time for making big decisions. It's important to start now, before we show up in our thirties still not having started to build a life. This thought is scary, I spent hours talking through my options and weeks obsessing. What do I want to do? What if I choose wrong? There is no college to fall back on. I am really on my own. Jay states, "There is a certain terror that goes along with saying "My life is up to me." It is scary to realize there's no magic, you can't just wait around, no one can really rescue you, and you have to do something... Being confused about choices is nothing more than hoping that maybe there is a way to get through life without taking charge." She wants twentysomethings to get off Facebook and build something real. This is a hard concept to someone who has only made decisions based on what I "should" be doing. I'm not in college anymore. This is real life.

It's been six months since I left Fletcher, and I still froth with rage if I think about it too long. But I am moving forward, I am starting school in a few weeks, and I am working at a high school. Future Annie is glad I am making good choices. 

The second section about love is a chapter I think all twentysomethings could benefit from. In it Jay stresses the things that should matter when choosing a good mate and what is important when choosing someone to marry. People our age are waiting longer to get married, which is ok, but settling is not. She also talks about the importance of not living with your significant other until your married, or at least on the same page of commitment. She says while opposites attract, people who are the same in the big ways, personality, life goals, and morals, are more likely to be happy in the long run. And when it comes to differences Jay quotes Leo Tolstoy: "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."

Jay praises couples who have met online. They tend to be better matched as they were often first matched on personality. Tommy and I met online. I think I hit the jackpot. He was one of the only people I responded to more than once and the only one I met in person. And now eight months later here we are. We're now at that point where we need to start making bigger decisions about the future, and while Jay reassured me about a lot of this, she has also made me more conscious of my decisions. Life is not a race, I don't need to compare myself with everyone whose lives seem more together on the internet. I need to be making good choices for myself above all. 

The Brain and the Body section is a few panic inducing chapters about how sucking at something is the first step to being kind of good at something. Jay says: "Twentysomethings who DON'T feel anxious of incompetent at work are usually overconfident or underemployed." This is my downfall. Towards the end of Fletcher I was exhausted, overworked, underpaid, and being attacked quite a bit. I felt no one was on my side. When I returned to school December 31 I was ready to have a few sit down meetings about the way I was being treated, but before I had a chance the principal called me in and told me "Fletcher would be a better place if I was no longer apart of it." I felt dispensable, and useless, and furious. Mostly furious. Still furious. But as a result my confidence in myself was shot. Am I even good at anything? I settled for a job in Portland because I couldn't bring myself to look at things I am actually capable of. Jay hits it on the head when she says:"Twentysomethings who hide out in underemployment, especially those who are hiding out because of a lack of confidence, are not serving themselves. For work success to lead to confidence, the job has to be challenging and it must require effort." Since I have started working at a high school again I have felt a return of confidence, and I have once again began looking at jobs that I am trained for. All I can say is that being out of my element is so much better than being bored. 

This book is a fabulous read for anyone who is in their twenties and struggling. It is a good reminder that having it all together is not necessary for being happy, or for growth. We have to count our blessings where we can. When I told Triss I had been fired she had been having a rough couple of days and said "Well, at least I still have my job." All our twenties need is a little self-reflection and a little growth.